I always catch myself wondering if you ever still watch my tumblr like you once did secretly. You would probably still get shocked and say to yourself, “damn this girl!” because she still writes about you there. She’s still caged in that same feeling and I wonder how you feel. Do you feel sad? Or do you feel mad?

There’s nothing impossible but then I always tell myself that you never have a little time to watch me over my tumblr and twitter, or facebook. I’m not worth your time and I’m not special. I’m just nobody.

Nobody who loves you.

Nobody who forgives you.

She accepts everything you are.

She doesn’t talk to you anymore because it gets scary to her somehow.

But every single morning as she wakes up to a new day, she hopes for your name to show up in the middle of the day on her phone screen. She fights so hard the urge to text you. She types then presses the backspace button and so on.

She’s been dying.

It’s hard to believe right? That after all this time, after everything, I still think of you. I still think of the old times, the memories, words you said that blew me away, the way you laugh and smile the way you radiate your warmth, I know I’m crazy like that but I do think that I’m still in love with you and I love you. I don’t know if there’s ever anyone else in the world that loves somebody like the way I love you but I realize no matter how much, you just want her, or some other girl even when they love you less.

I’m not worth anything in your life.

and we were just too naive. I don’t know who’s more naive but you should have thought twice before saying that you wouldn’t let me down. We all know we people hurt, just no matter how much we love someone even parents hurt their children and so do the children. We let each other down as well. In or out of purpose we all just do. We’ve been there and done that. And me, I shouldn’t have believed in what you said so easily. I was blown away I have to admit it, I mean, who wouldn’t be? Though I believed you meant it, we had a heart-to-heart convo, the 2 and 3 A.M messages, I wasn’t drunk, were you?

but if you were, I wouldn’t be so surprised.

That message haunts me, it echoes a hundredth time inside my head. So loud, sometimes I can hardly hear anything else.

I would go back in that moment to tell you that you hadn’t needed to say that, whether it was true, whether it was your intention because no matter, I would still love you the same and I would forgive you for everything because I’ve always loved you enough to not let anger and disappointment destroy everything.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

“I like you very much and I’ll never let you down whatever happens.”

2:00 A.M

Its the day i have been waiting for and you ruined it as easy as how you put happiness that shook me all over my body.
Could you care a little about how someone’s feeling can get hurt and torn to little pieces? Like you used to.