I’ve been lack of ideas of what to write lately. Even though I differ the words, the main idea is still the same; these feelings I have for the guy who I wish would see and feel how big my love is for him. How I would always be there for him to listen to each and every latest news he got. How I have the will to try to be the best he wants from me. I believe someday his eyes will open and he’ll realize. He’s such a really good man and his gorgeous look is just a bonus. I have no reason why I love him this much. All I know is that I can’t breathe normally around him. That he amazes me without him even trying. That everytime I look into his wonderful eyes and magnificent smile, I cant help but falling in love deeper.

As our eyes locked, I could barely keep my heartbeat normal. Your eyes, they showed the warmth I never expected would be there. Once something came out of your mouth and my mind turned out thinking you were another cocky guy. That one evening changed my mind. I thought to myself, “He’s not that bad.”

I noticed how you tried to get along. Sorry I once thought you wrong. I still can not be sure if you are but you could be nice. You could be different.

But I stare deep at myself and shake my head. I have to open up my eyes wide. Your world isn’t for me to enter. Chances are I might end up getting my heart broken. So I just look away and try to make this feeling fade. There’s no need to let myself fall again. An umbrella before the rain. A prevention before the pain. We could be friends. I hope we’ll have that chance.

I’ve been told so many times that I just gotta let it show and let him know. I’m always not sure. Always been haunted by the failure. They said to me, “Fuck it. What if today’s your last chance?”
You could always catch me with my eyes wide awake at midnights with the earphones stuck in my ears. You could tell the sadness flooding the moment through my eyes. Without tears falling out, you could conclude I’m mourning something.
Everytime I look at myself in the mirror, all I see is this weak loserish girl with a heart that’s brave enough to love but a mouth that’s always shut. I know I complicate things. I want him to know but I keep hiding it. I want him to feel but I keep pretending. I’ve come to learn that pretending you don’t lovr someone is one of the hardest things to do if you ever do.
I look at myself again and begin thinking that I’m just such a loser. A loser in love.

I wish I was sure about how you exactly feel for me without ever asking you about it. Will you ever tell me about it? At night before bed I’m all alone with my thought of you and your behavior lately. Your sweet behavior, should I say?
You flatter me when you don’t intend to. That kind of smile that makes me look like an idiot and end up biting my bottom lip cause I just can’t resist it. However, I don’t ever want to let any flattery blow me away. Realizing nothing lasts forever and the rain could pour and bring the storm just anytime.
Speaking of knowing how you feel about me, I realize I might not deserve to demand it when I even still haven’t given you a damn clue how I feel about you. If there’s ever a chance for you to be around here again, I promise the sun and the stars, every planet with their satelites, I’ll tell you even through the little whispers.