la douleur exquise

of someone stealing who didn’t belong to me; losing whom I never had. Deep inside here I’m scared of those things to happen. She’s my close friend and she’s heard that I’m kind of in love with him. It was my fault saying that I only liked him instead of my true feeling. I hate it to use the words ‘steal’ and ‘lose’ but nothing else can I think than those 2 words to complete these 2 what-if sentences; “what if she’s stealing him for me?” and “what if I’m losing him for her?”. These 2 sentences are now kept in mind and hard as hell to remove.

to become my step dad. It’s just that I have this instinct that he’s not the one. I don’t like him for only one thing that is age. He’s younger than my mom. I also don’t know him so well. I don’t know if he likes me and my sister. One thing that only matters is I DON’T LIKE HIM.
Of course, I’ve missed a dad figure. The man who should’ve been that figure had left us and may not be coming back. I know that mom’s been in a painful loneliness. She deserves happiness of love from a new man. On the other side, she can’t only think about her own happiness. This is about family. Family and togetherness. I already have the qualifications for my step dad. If mom doesn’t find the one that matches with it then I won’t approve him. I know, I may be selfish but I just want the best for the whole family. Because fathers are everywhere the head of the family body. If he’s not good then so will be the family.
I hope mom will separate soon with this sick guy. I know love’s blind but still I can’t comprehend her happiness from their relationship. I just can’t stand it.
I believe she deserves someone else better who’s at the same or around her age. Who loves her for her and her family. Who can be responsible to the rest of my family.
I think, I’m gonna end up like movies where the kids start to mess up with their parent’s future couple who possibly will become their future parent. I’ll mess up my hardest to kick him out forever from my and mom’s life. He’s not the one and I’m pretty much sure about it.

I might have been disturbing you by texting and calling you like no other. You know that I texted you when there was something I wanted to talk and called you when you didn’t reply. It really showed you how impatient I am as a person. It might be so annoying to you and the reason why now you stop replying to my messages. I know I’m assuming things but I’m just frustrated that you’re treating me this way. I’m afraid if you’re mad at me for some reasons. Even though at school you were all right and even talking to me like usual but I still can’t resist how you didn’t reply to my text messages when you could. I’m really anxious of all this stuff. I just can’t stop thinking why and how you can be doing this to me right now. I even was crying because you were ignoring me like this. I am so hurt by what you’re doing to me. If you find something wrong with me then come tell me straight ahead. Tell me the stuffs you currently dislike from me and stop making me feel so pathetic, frustrated, ignored, hurt and anxious. Erase all this worry inside me. I seriously don’t wanna lose you as one of my very best friends. I swear I’ll make up everything once you tell me to. Promise ya.

ohyeswerefallingdown:

only a sick bastard wouldn’t reblog this

I just gave my current crush a nickname; Vanilla Ice Cream.

WHY?

because among all the ice cream flavors, my only one favorite is only the one tastes vanilla. Because vanilla is sweet and milky. So, is he.

Other than that, I am an ice cream lover. I can never get enough of it. I always want to eat it again and again; I always want him again and again. I can never get enough of staring at him and missing him like crazy.

I wanna taste him.

again and again.

NEVER STOP.

at first your just staring at the screen waiting for it to load like

then your start getting impatient

and pissed

and irritated

and then you finnally snap

then it finally loads and your like

and then you click on something else and the cycle repeats