allgoneWILD

As I stare at these pictures of you, my fingers are tracing all the way from your hair to your chin. The sparkles that glow in your beautiful brown eyes, stunning as the sea of stars in the night sky. I remember when I told you your pupils were dilated. As someone whose eyes are dark colored, seeing dilated pupils is somewhat attractive to me. My sentence fell from my lips just like that, “Your pupils are dilated.” You leaned forward and it made our faces are just a few inches away from each other’s. Your lips were moving, you were saying something but I couldn’t hear a bit of your voice at all. My sense of hearing suddenly stopped working. I was amazed and stunned, I couldn’t take my eyes off you.
Then, my index finger goes lower to your lips. I couldn’t resist it. When I woke up to your face and soon enough embraced your face as the first thing I saw and acknowledged myself that would be a good start of the day. I looked at your lips and how I wanted to move a little closer and woke you with a simple soft kiss or continued sleeping kissing like that. Instead of that, I was just still in the same position as I first opened my eyes. My muscles were paralyzed. Someday, maybe I’ll be brave enough someday to lean towards you and tilt my head so our lips will meet. Just like in those movies. I’ll have to get rid off my mind for a little while putting my logic away, far away.
Then the finger tour continues to your cheeks. I remember though, that morning when I walked you to the bus station after having breakfasts at McDonald’s. Never mind my retarded memory that doesn’t remember why I had the gut and what motivated me to cup your face and the palms of both of my hands enjoyed the roughness of your lightly growing beard.
I miss being in your hug full of warmth. I felt the infinity and safety as my body against yours. I’m wishing that I could pinch you and get you out of the picture. Your absence has been so slowly killing me but I’ve been surviving each and every day as well. I know that someday we’ll have the chance to see each other again.
I can’t bare the thought if someday you change and get yourself out of my life. Cause I can’t bare the thought of myself living without you. I know we haven’t known each other forever but a year and the frequency of us talking, is enough to enable me to see how precious you are. As every thought being shared, I know you’re one of those rarest people I wanna keep my lifetime. You’re different than anyone I’ve known. Your way of thinking that’s beyond everyone else’s and even mine, you’re one of a kind. I wanna keep you but who am I to? People come and go. You could always wake up one day to realize everything then say, “The fuck is this? I’m sick of it, I’m leaving” and I’d just go down on my knees or curl on the floor and cry over the hurricane.
You told me that I wasn’t better than your friends and they weren’t better than me so I should just worry not. I don’t know you so well yet to convince myself you won’t forget me cause someone better comes along even though I wanna believe you won’t — Cause there is no who’s better than who. I’m just me, and people are them, as you say — but you could change. Just about anytime when least expected. People change and that’s the most bitter thing cause once they do, what you can do is wish upon the miracles for them to be who they once were.

Could people possibly realize how hypocritical they are before someone has the chance to tell them in their freaking face?!
Someone I know in person retweeted a tweet saying how much annoying it is when people make a joke about something they’re sensitive about. Bitch please. What do you think you’ve been doing to me, as well as possible to other people?
Joking around what I’ve told you how much I’d enjoy it if you stopped doing that but just this morning you pulled that classic lame joke again.
What a piece of irony kind of life lived by a hypocrite.

I had a conversation last night with my old friend. Suddely she asked me about him. I told her some stories about him that I understood how it would make anyone being told shake their heads. Then, as I had never expected — but if I had, I would’ve not wondered why — she told me I should just get over him cause she believed I deserved someone better. I’ve come to believe that there’s no someone better; there are only people that treat you nice — who we refer to “better” — and the ones who don’t. I do realize that he has mistakes, he’s not perfect, none of us is. Some people may have told me the same thing. I see why they do. All those mistakes he’s done they think are major and intolerable. For them, his flaws are fatal like a driver driving carelessly, leading life to a tragedy.

And all I can do is, remain careless. I’ve known him for long and understood and most importantly, accepted him in a way only people who are madly and deeply in love could fathom. I can’t hate someone just because they once act wrong. How could you always expect people to always do right when you yourself are not mistake free? Why can’t you be friend with forgiveness?
That one word four letters that we all feel and have felt and will always be there for certain people. Maybe it’s grown that strong so I can be this too blind in your eyes to still hold on to this feeling.
I love him no matter how many times you’ve told me to turn around. No matter how fatal his mistakes are. No matter who he was, is and will be. You just never know what’s truly going on between us and only us two who know what it is. Only us two who completely understand. Just one thing to always be forever pinned in your mind that I’m not that stupid kind-hearted protagonist in the movies that keeps holding on even when she knows things are no longer going right. So as long as I stay, believe me, things are going wonderful between me and him.